Birdstweet

Rituals change when we can learn to cultivate the witness of our lives. The witness is a place inside of us that is simple awareness – noticing, watching, not judging, just tapping into the present moment of what is happening to us. The witness is our focusing mechanism. A slice of us that is not attached that once revealed frees us from the need to attach to anything. Noticing our patterns of behavior is the first step to identifying them. How they are serving us? Do we need to detach from some of them and cultivate new more nourishing ones? Now we are asking intelligent questions. Our reality is a reflection of what we have attached ourselves to in the world. Our wishes create our universe, it is how it all goes down. OBSERVE!
Soon after I began to notice a shift in how I looked at things and circumstances, I noticed how rogue my mornings were unfolding. It was a clear sign that this was setting my intention for the day to show up. My unorganized life revealed anxiety and fear based energies. The soldier that I was, always kept marching and sometimes I did get someplace, but in reality I was on the highway to hell. As my awareness increased I noticed I was flailing around creating a pattern that was undeniably nothing less than insane. In a click of an instant I decided to change the pattern and see just what could come into play if I disciplined myself to a plan with regime. STRATEGIES!
Always a faithful early bird, I had no problem getting up and going. Upon rising I learned that a warm cup of lemon water was the ideal way to create digestive health helping flush the digestive system and rehydrate the body. Next I had a cup of coffee or tea. (no judging lol) It is soothing to quietly sip my hot java while I let my mind and body start to wake up and take notice. The slow beginning to the day became a way of honoring my humanity in a way that I had never tapped into before. The space I created while I began the rituals humbled me as I noticed how abusive I have been to myself. As I reviewed my old method, constantly jerking around life and bullying myself into random action, a sense of sadness oozed into my heart center. Emotions and feelings signaled me that this was so not cool. What the hell was I thinking? Well I just wasn’t. I had no idea how ridiculously hurtful my previously conditioned behaviors really were. Until this moment. CREATE SPACE!
I learned that the body has a way of storing energy. The energy is created by actions we perform which can make strong impressions in our minds. Once we decide something we want to do or think, energy forms with this intention. The more we repeat this action, the stronger the impression is formed. The more intense the habit, the less control we have over our mind. When our habits are ingrained in us it alters our body chemistry and thinking. In yoga we call this a samskara. In severe cases that we have altered our chemistry deeply we now have formed an addiction. This content floods our perception of ourselves and other beings. When I understood this, I realized that I was the creator of this. Which scared the shit out of me. Then the witness revealed to me that if I had the power to do it, I had the power to undo it. But, I had to trust and build the confidence to do it. Let’s face the facts, destiny is alterable. How do we know this? Because of people like Christopher Columbus, Mahatma Ghandi and Bill Gates. They changed the fate of the entire world. So if they can do that we can change our own. PERSONAL POWER!
Movement restores the natural health of the body. The motion helps stored energy flow helping anything locked inside to escape. So next on my list of changes was to get my ass moving. I always felt better when I worked out and it had to be first. It had to be done before any other form of serious thinking or doing because it was the release of negativity the stored in an energy form in my bod. Motion creates Emotion! I have to change my state if I was going to change how I felt about my life. So the ritual of motion in the morning was born. Yoga, running, swimming, dancing and pumping iron were my new go tos soon after I got up. This was key to body health which was also a gateway to mind health. Why? Because, It was a signal to my mind that I was now in charge of it. By creating healthy rituals that were out of the norm, and forcing myself to do them no matter what put the mind into a submissive state I don’t ever remember tapping into. In other words, it was a direct order to the mind. YOUR WORKING FOR ME BITCH. No longer was the mind in charge. Let’s face it, left in the driver’s seat was how this train wreck manifested. Wisdom was now taking over. SHAKE YOUR ASS!

Eating healthy was inevitable with more awareness of positive changes. I felt so much better when I ate lighter and leaner. I also started drinking a huge amount of water which had significant impact on how I felt and how much I ate! Lots of greens and plant based choices created an abundance of energy and my body began to change. Wow, I had no idea what an impact these new rituals were going to make! The toxins were moving out of my body and new energies were revealing themselves. Weight started to shed and energy started to appear as I navigated better food options and disciplined myself to stick with it. I mean hey it was the smart thing to do. And when you know better we must do better or the self loathing and guilty feeling surface. HOT BODIES!

Meditation and prayer actually brought all these new things into sight. This ancient form of listening to universal wisdom is the best gift I have ever given myself. I started to meditate 7 years ago and it was a gateway to mental freedom like I have never found anywhere else. When I stay on this game I stay free of all stress and anxiety I walk with confidant peaceful demeanor. I am like soaring with all that is and I am so connected to the highest good vibrations. Everytime I get off track, it is because I am not meditating and praying. End of story. WORSHIP!

Reading quality books, listening to empowering audio and watching real life documentaries were next on my list. I cancelled the cable TV and started only watching documentaries on the web and Netflix. I read only non-fiction and mostly eastern philosophy. I love to listen to fun meaningful music while I run, like PINK!, Indian music while I do Yoga, like Deva Premal or M.C. Yogi, wild music when I power dance like Flo-Rida, ACDC, and Nirvana and Reggae when I am chill dancing or just chilling!! Whatever the choices make those that speak to you and make you feel a bit!! STUDY!

Practicing new ways is at first a bit uncomfortable. But in comfort is where I found the most misery I have ever felt. There is a time and a place for comfort and when it presents itself you will know it, but it is in the discomfort of creating a new pattern I found the greatest power I have ever known. The capacity to grow. When I learned to get out of my own way and learn to replace old habits with new rituals, I saw my potential. We have the power to change and create a new destiny for ourselves. This is the deal. I prayed, “Please make me be who my kids need me to be.” Because hey, we all will do way more for them than we would do for anyone else. We are not wired to just do it for ourselves, that would be called selfish in the world we created. WTF? Then I meditated, and the witness spoke to me and told me I must change my rituals. At a place of complete surrender I was able to listen and obey. Soon my life became happier.  Chirping for Change….Peace and Namaste’

Sometimes I think that walking on this path of mine is the greatest thing. And sometimes I feel the waves of life pulling me under. My life has not always been pleasant, and I have done some good deeds and I have done some bad deeds. What I am about to say is the truth. I am not a bad person but I have not always been a good person. My life has been a constant rise and fall and with every crest I felt more faith, with every depth I lost some hope. How was I to find a more peaceful existence. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to make everyone happy and feel pride. But with the past always haunting me I realized that I was doing more and more, working overtime to find a way to change the past hurts I endured and to make up for some of my own wrong doings. If I can do more in life it will go away. What I didn’t know was the power of forgiveness. The place of truth and sorrow. The surrender to what is and what was.

When I felt hurt in life I seem to think retaliation. I went to a place of full speed ahead and would shed anything and anyone that harmed me. I kept afloat by staying in flight. I did feel the pain but I chose to try and stay ahead of it as best I could. I swallowed it and from a place of sadness I plotted my course and I steamed ahead with a vengeance. The focus was me and my success. Especially after I gave birth to my boys. I was not going to let them down. I was determined that we would succeed and I was willing to run over anyone that got in the way. Life became a constant hurricane. I became callous. I said and did bad things to people who brought their struggle into my life. I was in a race to win but the finish line was nowhere on the horizon. So it never ended. The competition was infinite.

What I didn’t realize was I was attracting these people and events because I was out of balance. BALANCE~a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. The law of attraction tells us that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. My life was so negative. I was on a quest to success. But to win what? Well I wanted things, a career, money, a home, a good car, vacations, nice clothing, successful children and more, more and more. SUCCESS~the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. I thought these things and accomplishments would bring me happiness. And I can honestly say they temporarily would. But something was missing, out of balance. I could not figure it out. Life still seemed to drown me, it was never ending, the rise the fall. The highs were amazing and the lows were defeating. Why was this happening and who knows this answer?

About eight years ago I experienced a fall so great I thought I would never recover from it, an all time low. I was failing at being and for the first time in my life I surrendered. I just couldn’t hold it together. And so my journey of healing began. I was in a place of student for the first time in my life. I was in complete submission. I was willing to admit that I am not in control of a lot of things. That life was showing me, me. I chose this life and I am creating it. I can make some decisions here at this moment that will change my destiny. It will be an endless journey freeing myself of the madness and I have a choice to heal or stay in constant crazy. And so the journey began, a human surrendering to her soul.

All the answers will come from the teacher when the student is ready. But, they come in a methodical way. As I layed in bed I prayed. Without ceasing. And soon the peace began. I was cleansed and I was feeling light. I woke up with faith and the fears were lifted. It was a moment of letting go. A release of control. I was now asking for help, I was ready to be guided. Soon life became a series of one letting go moment after another. The wave would come, sometimes I could ride it out and sometimes I plummeted. But one thing had changed, I let go emotionally to the outcomes. I no longer felt the need to win. I was doing the best I could and I was ok with it. I detached with love.

RELIEF~a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. That was what I asked for and that is what I got. I became vulnerable and I started to listen to those who had written about similar experiences. There are many, endless books, talks and videos that have huge information on being. Things started to make sense. Allowing what is to be exactly what is and not judging it with a good or bad was a solid starting point. One moment of clarity was enough to last a good deal of time and then when my human tried to grab command, I would witness it and then surrender again. And this has been an ongoing movement to balance ever since.

Has it been perfect, absolutely not. I still have struggles with surrendering. I still make mistakes. But now that I have asked for help, I feel the pain I cause when I mess up. It is being showed to me in reflection. I can see it clearly. Has it been humbling, oh ya. The thought that comes to mind is a piece of advice my daughter-in-law gave to me. “Stay rooted in your truth and the truth of those that are doing the work to live the lifestyle you are seeking. Those are the opinions you want, the people you look up to.”

Success is no longer my goal, Authenticity is. A new way. A new journey and a new freedom that has never been so peaceful. It is no longer about perfection, it is about progress. I know I cannot fix what has been done but I know I can try and be better. And I am willing to do the work that it takes. Is the work hard, yes and no. It is a huge amount of reading and writing and more listening and less talking. But the place of madness is so much more volatile. I have to be still which is super hard for me. Motion has been my mantra. But no longer does it rule. I have to pay attention and heed. This is where the answers are. In the lull, the space where the soul resides. The witness that watches over me. My highest self, the one who knows the answers and how to guide me to them. This is how I began my healing and continue to try and stay on point. Again, I am human and I still fall, but I now notice, surrender more and dive in deeper. For there lives a greater power that I have never known before. This is the power of LOVE~an intense feeling of deep affection, and it is unconditional.

…Love ❤️
Human love vs divine love ……
Human love is basically if you do these things then I love you and if you don’t then I am leaving you…
Divine love in contrary is like the sun, it shines on you forever non discriminatory simply because you exist…so we can say I love you no matter what, before any changes or titles are achieved and without any attachment to your actions…….                                                                                                                          Divine ❤️ love says I release you to your life with an unconditional love not with retaliation .  When I realize that I have my energy in others space , I notice that it is hard for them to focus on themselves because they only see what I am reflecting.   So this is my way of pulling the plug on my energy invasion.  You are my friend and we are friends….and we are together on this path…..and you are divine even while you do things that I may not understand……….The act of love is to be true and embodied.  Not conditional……it is a clear feeling and it is that act of love that will catalyze the awakening to change…

    Mission: I have so much inside of me that just needs to be untethered.  I have been working on myself and all that is hidden for so many years and now, is time I start allowing this incredible flight I have been on to be released.  My intention is to contribute some strategies that inspire me to grow and that helps me  clear myself and unlock energy.  Years of annoyance that oozed from the most bizarre circumstances left me puzzled and feeling ragged out.  So I now challenge myself to just let it out on paper and with truth being the guide and let it all go…..as best as I can…….The good, the bad and the crazy.

    Learning to love myself has been the greatest challenge of all my time.  I thought I loved or even liked myself but my actions were not always lining up with the words.  So I pushed and pulled myself in any direction that alleviated the stress bombs and tried to find a happy medium to perch on.  I had no direct strategy except to keep myself afloat and work endlessly on my survival skills in which the successes  allowed me some peace at the end of the day.  

    I never even thought about what do I want or like or need.  I only excepted the comings and goings of people places and things.  I really learned to stay clear of the shitstorms by moving on when situations were just not quite right for me.  I chose flight over fight without any idea what that meant.  I became stronger and more callous as the years went by and I soon began to only rely on myself.

    One of the most critical moments of clarity came with the gift of two amazing beings that I was lucky enough to give birth too.  Boys that came through me in a little over two years and it was the first realization of I am permanently grounded.  No flight is going to happen here.  I am now facing the true reflection of myself through these littles.  It was through them I learned  to love and change, it continues through this day and probably until I leave this planet and maybe even after that!!  The realization that success was now about all of us making it, not just me.  I had to consider what was best for the entirety and how to move through unsettling feelings and learn to let go of the judgements.  The constant reminder of reality and how actions speak louder than words and how action is key to movement.  

    A huge amount of living has gone by and a gigantic amount of change has occurred.  Life has taken me on a path with amazing mysteries and numerous revelations.  Just knowing this has led me to believe that there are tons of other learnings and lessons to be unlocked.  I hope this blogging can be a doorway to these truths.  My passion is to learn about why I do what I do and how to understand the way to not only talk the talk but also walk the walk.  I am not seeking perfection, I am only looking for some peace of mind in the midst of all the craziness that seems to constantly be swirling around me.  If unattended I seem to lasso this bizarreness and try and bring it down.  It never works!!  I failed to realize that it is happening for me and not to me.  I still fall into the trap, wanting to swallow the poison until I am ate up with fear based living.  But, I have learned as best I can harnessing strategies to navigate the happenings and to love them for whatever they are trying to tell me.  No longer do I lock down on it and no more swallowing and ignoring it.  Now is the time of being.  Witnessing all that is and realizing if digested correctly with love, and sometimes a primal scream, the situation resolves itself and dissipates all on its own.  

    Bringing light to this is my way of seeing it.  Bringing love to this is my way of feeling it.  Bringing it all to this blog is my way of sharing it.  My journey is to learn how to FLY.  FIRST LOVE YOURSELF…. and then drop those love bombs to any and all that ruffle my feathers.  Peace and Namaste, Bird